Hey friends,
Ok, So here's the deal. I've been trying to write very little because I don't want you guys to stop reading 'cause you're bored. And I try to not get too emotional (a HUGE task for me!!) And I try to stay positive. But at the suggestion of my good friend, Meredith, I'm going to be a little more honest.
I'm frustrated. There I said it.
I KNOW I'm being obedient to God in this stage of my life. I know without any hesitation that He wants me in Ecuador. But what I don't know is why.
I feel like I'm currently doing a job that someone else could do. I'm helping out at FHC and I truly am happy to do so. I love and admire and respect the Vaughns and their home for children more than I could ever express. So I'm happy to help further their organization in any way that I can.
But, I feel like I'm not being used to my full potential. I used to run an orphanage for crying out loud. I used to fee like I was saving lives and making a difference in the world. I don't now. I feel like the Vaughns were doing just peachy without me and now they're happy to have me but basically they could take me or leave me.
I wish I knew what God had in store. I wish I knew how long this period of my life was going to last. If I knew it was just a few months and then something spectacular was going to happen, it would be easier to trudge (is that a word?) through. But what if this is my life for the next few years?!
I just wish I knew what I was doing was making some type of impact.
The kids at FHC are so amazing and beautiful. All precious little miracles themselves. I already have my favorites...wink wink. There are so many more "out there" that need help. Should I start up my home again? Should I brave that storm yet again? Have I matured and learned enough to do it differently? Can I be effective if I do that type of ministry? Should I start up another similar ministry? What would that look like?
I've been asking God these questions. The only answer I get is that He has me where He wants me for now. And once again, I'm frustrated. My prayer right now is that I will learn to be content in every situation. How many times in my life as the Director of PM did I wish for less responsibility and less stress? Now I have those things and I'm still complaining. The grass is always greener right?
Meanwhile I went to see an apartment today. It was in the PERFECT spot and it's brand new and adorable. It's ittybitty though. It may still work. I have 2 appointments tomorrow to see 2 other places a little closer to my price range then the one I saw today. So, hopefully something will turn up.
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2 comments:
Long boring blogs like mine...ha ha!
I pray that God shows you his plan. If anyone knows and understands about waiting. I DO!!! It is no fun, it is confusing, but God shows these AMAZING little surprises along the way. You are amazing and your willingness to make a difference in some kids and helping families (like us) will be rewarded.
I love you so much and I miss you but I know that I know you are where you need to be right now. You were headstrong to go back. God gave you that. He will also give you what is in his will for you, in His perfect timing. It is patience and Believing. I have a hard time with that sometime...maybe that is why Santana is where he is still. In the mean time, I will pray for wisdom and guidance. I miss you! I love you friend!
Stacey,
Continue to fight the good fight. God has blessings just waiting on the horizon for you as your dependency upon Him deepens through these trials. And just know that you are not alone. Your journey through this valley is one that you take in the shadow of every other believer who has walked it before you. We all walk through the valleys. It can be SO VERY HARD...YOU ARE NOT ALONE MY SISTER! Call upon your brothers and sisters and just know that He will bring you out of this. You are an inspiration to so many, and will continue to be for years to come. Keep your gaze focused on Him and He will see you through this storm. And you don't have to make it through perfectly...just make it through! You are desperately loved by Him and so many here on earth! I will continue to pray that He sheds more light upon your path. I love you friend.
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