Deported

I left Ecuador at the beginning of July because I had been gifted a round trip ticket with the main purpose of seeing my brother and other family members. My plan was to return today to Quito and stay 3 weeks. Among my very lengthy to-do list was to sell all my stuff (including a vehicle), turn in my apartment, visit all the Miracles, get some medical stuff taken care of, and get some legal stuff taken care of for the official turning over of Precious Miracles, and pack up some stuff to come back to the states with.

After a long day of traveling I got up to the little window with the customs agent and hand him my passport. He runs it through and gets a strange look on his face. He says, did you leave here with an expired missionary visa?
Ok so let me back up a little. I've been a resident in Ecuador for the past 9 years as a missionary. Every 2 years I needed to reapply and renew said visa for about $250. This last year I saw that it ran out in May and I left in July. I did a whole bunch of paperwork and paid a $200 fine and I thought that was that.
BUT.... just to make sure I asked (before I left) if the stamp in my passport saying I had let a visa expire and a fine was paid would affect my reentry to the country. I was assured that it would NOT. The officer said that I could return as a tourist and not as a missionary. No problem right?

So back to tonight.... the officer looked up at me and said I have to deport you. You are not allowed reentry into this country. I looked at him and said, "You are NOT serious?!?" But he was. I was escorted by an armed police officer to a corner of the airport (still in plain sight of all the other passengers). As the different officers tried to figure out what to do with me, I called several people apologizing for waking them up at midnight. No one could help me. Even a police officer friend of mine said there was nothing he could do. So after bawling my eyes out and begging them to understand my situation, it became very clear to me that I was not going to win this one. I asked what will you do with me. They said they'd lock me up for the night. Yes you read that right. They'd lock me up for the night and then put me on the first flight out in the morning.
I even offered to have someone escort me to my apartment just so I could leave all the gifts I had brought people and at least fill my suitcase up with some clothes. They said they couldn't. I asked if I could give my suitcases to a friend because it was filled 100% with stuff to stay here for people. They said they couldn't do that either.
So here I sit in my little cell that consists of a toilet and two grungy bunk beds. But notice that I'm writing this online. So... there are no sheets for the bed or soap to wash my hands but they have WIFI. I'll probably laugh about that some day... not now though.

I told my Dad earlier that I thought it was going to be very difficult to leave this country. You know what? Now? not so much. I'm pretty sure I'll leave shaking the dirt off my feet. I'm a little bitter.

As for all the stuff I was going to get done? Well, I have to figure out some stuff like someone else is going to have to try to sell my stuff and empty my apartment. Obviously I can't do medical or legal stuff. Obviously I can't go see the kids and say goodbye. I'm not sure why this is happening but once again I will remember that God is in control. He either ordered this or permitted it. And I am safe and protected. I'll update when I can.

SO EXCITED!!!!

This is hilarious. I don't blog often....but I did this morning. And it was pretty much a whine fest of why the adoption thing won't happen and why it's taking so long.....
This afternoon I get a phone call saying the girls' family is going to be in Quito TOMORROW night. How's that for a quick answer?
Wow! Talk about no warning. Of course I've wanted this for so long but then when it's on me so suddenly, it took my breath away.
There's a lot to do!
The girls are beside themselves with excitement. They have lots of questions. My favorite was, "Can't you come with us? Come on please?!?"

June 30

I know no one can give an exact date with all this adoption stuff... I get that. But I was more or less assured (by my s.w.) that the girls would be gone by the end of June. Hmmm look at that. It's June 30.

I am trying SO hard to be patient. I know in my heart God's timing is perfect. I know He's not making a mistake. And this detail isn't on a pile on His desk that He just hasn't gotten to yet. I get that too.

But it's so hard. Today is Zac's 2nd round of chemo. Yesterday Mom left. It's hard to wait. Plus the girls are ready to go. They constantly pray and ask for their new family. I can only imagine it's 100 times worse for their family to wait.

Don't misunderstand me though. I enjoy every day I have with the girls. I know I'm going to miss them beyond belief when they leave. I love, love, love being with them and we have so much fun. I told a friend yesterday it's like an ongoing party around here. (As you can probably tell by the pictures!)

So.... since this is all completely out of my control, I suppose I should just continue to trust God and I should continue to learn patience. Please pray for those two things with me. Thanks!

The waiting game

My mom came to visit me and it's been amazing! This had been the longest stretch of time that I had not seen a single member of my family and it was truly affecting me. To see my mamita has been great!

We've had a lot of fun with Nataly and Joselyn. They love their "Abuelita."

Today we did bumper cars! Yesterday she took us to KFC and that's a HUGE treat around here!

We went to the doctor yesterday to get one step closer to bringing their forever family down here.

It seems to be dragging out....and it's so hard to wait. It's so hard to explain to the girls that NO one wants to wait this long but it's what we have to do.

At the doctor's office we met the social worker from the agency and she gave us a package from the forever family. Two brand new dresses, sweaters and loads of hair things were among the surprises. They were giddy with excitement! There was also a letter and a video and a little booklet of pictures. In the waiting room I let them look through the pictures.

They recognized everyone right away. They pointed excitedly to the pictures and said, "look there's my Daddy.... that's my big sister, that's my baby brother.... there's Mommy!"

It was so precious! The s.w. was wiping away tears!

Hopefully this excrutiating waiting game won't be much longer!

I can't even begin to imagine how hard this is on the family... to have 2 beautiful, precious little girls and not be able to meet them yet! We keep trusting in God's timing!

The pictures are of the girls primping up their Abuelita. She got the full-on salon treatment!

You Were There

This song really was what I needed to hear today. Thought I'd share it. It's an Avalon song....

I wonder how it must have felt when David stood to face Goliath on a hill. I imagine that he shook with all his might until You took his hand, and held on tight, 'Cause You were there, You were there in the midst of danger's snare.
You were there, You were there always. You were there when the hardest fight seemed so out of reach
Oh, You were there, You were always there .You were always there.
So there he stood upon that hill, Abraham with knife in hand was poised to kill. But God in all your sovereignty had bigger plans and just in time, You brought a lamb.
'Cause You were there, You were there in the midst of the unclear. You were there, you were there always. You were there when obedience seemed to not make sense. You were there, You were always there, You were always there.
So haven't I learned that my ways aren't as high as Yours are, and You alone keep the universe from crumbling into dust. You are God and though we would not have understood You, there You were hanging blameless on a cross. You would rather die than leave us in the dark. Every moment, every planned coincidence just all makes sense with Your last breath. You were there, You were there, during history's darkest hour. You were there, You were there always. You were the Victor and the King. You were the power in David's swing. You were the calm in Abraham. You are the God who understands. You are the strength when we have none, You are the living, Holy one. You were, You are and You will always be the Risen Lamb of God. You were, You are and You will always beThe Risen Lamb of God

Beginning of the end.....

I got word today from Nataly and Joselyn's "new" parents. It's official. The girls have been assigned to their forever family. From the little that I know as of today (pictures with detailed descriptions, and a letter) I could not have hand-picked a more suitable family for these 2 precious miracles.
I should be ecstatic right? So why can I hardly see the computer screen through the tears in my eyes? This part of my job is always a pardox. It is always bittersweet. I have been praying for this family since 2006. I have been praying that God would select and prepare the best family for these two little girls. And He has! They seem so ideal. And although I've been praying for this to happen, now that it IS happening, my heart is breaking.
As of tomorrow I will have been their foster mom for 5 months. That doesn't seem like a very long time. But it is 5 months of 24/7. Every waking moment (and some of the asleep ones too!) have revolved around these girls. I love them so much. I really feel like I've gotten a handle on this mom thing. We have a good thing going. Why does it have to end? I can't picture my days without them. I can't picture my life without them.
I don't feel ready to let them go. Would I ever be ready though?
None of us ever have the assurance of tomorrow. Our lives can change in the blink of an eye. I see it as a blessing and a privilege to have a set time frame of when mine will change. I will enjoy every last minute, every last experience, every last detail. I will treasure them until the day comes where I have to release my grasp on my little girls.

Easter Eggs

Today we colored eggs and then I hid them during nap time. The girls were so cute finding them. They didn't see it as a competition but rather kept pointing out eggs to each other to help each other along. Flor joined in too!

Princess for a day...

Yesterday I was telling the girls some stories, among them was Cinderella. Their eyes were huge with anticipation as I told how the fairy godmother got Cinderella beautiful to go dance with the prince.

When I was through Naty and Josy were jumping up and down and Naty says, "can we play that story." So naturally, I assumed they wanted to become princesses.

I said, "sure!"

Naty gets out all their hair things, Josy runs to the dress up bin and pulls out a tiara and they started fixing ME up!

I was surprised and very amused. I asked them if they wouldn't rather be the princesses. Naty said, "No, you need to be a princess so you can find your prince! When we leave with our new parents, you are going to be all by yourself. Yep, you need a prince."

I don't know when I have laughed that hard!

Adapt me, Transform me, Mold me

I read this in our morning devotions today. I'm sure it was written just for me just for today.

"No pronuncies oraciones del tipo: 'Consuelame, ayudame a vivir sin contratiempos, librame de este mal rato.' Ora mas bien: 'Adaptame, transformame, moldeame, aunque me duela.'"

Do not pray, "Comfort me, help me to live without setbacks, free me from this bad time." Rather pray, "Adapt me, transform me, mold me even if it hurts."

To say I'm struggling at being completely on my own with 3 little girls is an understatement. I've looked for other options/solutions to the struggle and they have not worked out.

I have to believe that for some reason God is allowing the 4 of us to stay together. I feel like I can't do this but He isn't opening any other doors right now so.....

my prayer has changed from

"Lord, help me find a more suitable place for Flor, send someone to help me and give me relief," to "Lord give me the strength, love, patience, and wisdom to care for these three Precious Miracles (Serious emphasis on the Precious!!!!) and to do it with a content heart."

Frustrated and overwhelmed....

Since Flor arrived in my home I have had a woman helping me 3 times a week. She would come on Tuesdays and Thursdays and her main job was to take Flor to therapy. Upon returning she would also help with the cooking and cleaning of the house. On Saturdays she came to help me take the girls out for the day. (Zoo, park, Latacunga, etc).
I had really organized my life to make sure I did all my grocery shopping on Thursdays when she was here, banking or any other errands on Tuesdays. I did doctor's appointments or lunch appointments on these two days as well. Last Saturday I was able to go do a children's program and witnessing in a park with a group from my church knowing she would watch the girls.
She was a big help.
Today she asked to speak to me at 3:55 (she was scheduled to leave at 4). She asked me for her pay because she would not be returning.
WOW!
So now the "single mom of 3" has really set in. I feel so alone. I feel trapped. How am I going to cope?
How do I take Flor to therapy? What do I do with Naty and Josy while Flor is in therapy? How do I do groceries or anything else with 3 kids? I know women do it all the time. But I don't. I don't know how. I'm so overwhelmed. I really have no way of leaving this house at all without piling all 3 in the car with me. That is so daunting. I just don't think I have what it takes to be the only parent or caregiver or adult influence to these 3 girls. I don't think I can be everything they need me to be. And I don't think I can do this job completely on my own.

My girls taking the pictures....

Josy and I are having a longest hair contest.... so we had Naty take our picture today. Of course then Josy wanted to take a picture too. They're pretty good little photographers my lil' ladies!

Cutest 3 lil'girls in the world!

I walked in the girls room last week and saw Naty holding Flor and "reading" her a book... She is SO precious to me! The second picture is Naty dressed up in "new"clothes that I found in our storage room. She asked me after she was dressed to take her picture because she felt like a lady.

The third pic is my Flower.... and she is as pretty as one!

And lastly my giggly Joselyn who is ALWAYS available to pose for my camera. I love my girls. I can really not imagine what my life will be like when this phase of it is over. I sometimes wish this was forever......

ZOO!

Today is little Carla's sixth birthday. So, I felt brave and decided to go get her from FHC last night to have a slumber party. They had bubble baths and movie with popcorn last night. Then today we had a yummy breakfast, opened Carla's gifts and took off to the zoo. It was so much fun. She loved it. They all loved it. Nataly's favorite animal was a monkey with another tiny monkey on his back. Joselyn's favorite animal was the lion... yes an african lion in the Quito zoo (I was impressed!). Carla's favorite animal was the galapagos tortoise and Flor's favorite animal was the bull at the petting zoo. He liked her too and licked her hand. If you know me at all you know that that was my least favorite part of the whole trip and I was quick with the wet wipes and purell! =) We had a fun day. I'm exhausted. Such a good kind of exhausted though.

Yesterday, the girls and I went to Latacunga (about 2 hours away) to see "my" boys there. We had a fun road trip and it was good to have a mini Precious Miracles reunion with 6 of the former members. Please, please pray for these kids to get their forever families soon! They have waited SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO long! I know God's timing is perfect but I'm so impatient. =)

Child #3

Do you ever think you've told everyone something super important only to find out you haven't told anyone? Please say that you have so I don't feel like dementia has set in!!!!

I have completely spaced telling ya'll that I have a third child in my house now. So... my family of 3 has become 4. I have THREE precious little girls living in my apartment with me now. If I thought being a single "mom" to 2 was hard.... I had NO idea!

Flor, my latest arrival, was also part of the Precious Miracles family. She just turned four years old and has severe cerebral palsy. She is about the size of an 18 month old and developmentally about 10 months old.

She is a TON of work and juggling her and her special needs along with my 4 and 5 year old (and I've added homeschooling to the mix) is wearing me out. But I'm hanging in there and overall I feel very content with the work I've been given.

To all you moms out there: my respects!!!!! This is hard work!

I LOVE love LOVE love comments.... especially encouraging ones. So, if you're reading these posts please take a second to let me know. Thanks!